I AM JEALOUS

I'M NOT SURE HOW TO START THIS POST SO I'M JUST JUMP RIGHT INTO IT...I have a dead beat dad. He has my number but doesn't call me. For my 16th birthday I didn't get a "happy birthday" or a gift from him. He neglected me for two Christmases and two thanksgivings. He lies to his family and says he pays child support and he doesn't. When he asks me if I need clothes and I say yes and he tells me he will take me shopping he doesn't. As strong as I try to be, because his lies are nothing new, I still find myself asking God "why me?''. I don't want to question God's plan but I really wonder why he chose the man that he chose to be my father. My mom says he's a sperm donor because it's more to being a father than supplying DNA. I get so sad sometimes ya'll, but anyway, when I watch "Runs House", I really get jealous of Vanessa, Angela,Diggy,Russy,Jojo and Miley. They have a strong, intelligent, providing, understanding, loving, compassionate Black man in their lives, and it pisses me off that more Black men can't or choose not to be like him. I see him interact with them. He exposes them to new things. He only wants top notch things for them. He ALWAYS shows love. He is very understanding and I just wish that I had that. I was actually thinking about writing a book for girls in my situation because a lot of us need guidance, and I see alot of girls go down a bad road because they didn't feel the love from their fathers. I'm trying to be strong. I get very weary from the situation because it seems like every chance he gets he does something to piss me off with his ignorance and lies. I know there's no sin in getting weary, the sin is giving up, and I gave up a long time ago because I feel that there is no more forgiveness in my heart or tolerance in my mind or energy in my body. Thank you Rev Run, Obama, Diddy and my stepfather for being great and awesome men to your kids. You guys are deeply appreciated.

lesbians on straight women like white on rice

I don't have a problem with gay women. I have two lesbian friends but I can't get with them lesbian women pushin up on me when they know I'm straight. Like I had this one chick ask a friend of mine if I was gay and I was so appalled! How dare she think I would even go that way!?! But hey, us sexy chicks can attract anyone right? But I can't get with bein lesbo. I don't wanna hear no " don't knock it till you try it." or no "i can give you everything a man can." NO THE HELL YOU CAN'T. OK? But like I said I have no problem with people being gay but that's just not my thing. Like have you been pushed up on by someone who wasn't of your sexual orientation? Don't it feel weird? I'm just sayin that people's gay-dar needs to be upgraded cause it's pretty obvious when someone is gay, straight, lesbian or transsexual. And we have to respect each others space.

back in the day...#2

WHOOOOO! ladies I know ya'll hear me when I say that this song is still the SH*T!! NOBODY can tell me different, I know ya'll will enjoy this one..SILK-FREAK ME

back in the day....

I'm a 90's baby. Born in '93 and proud of it, so on my ipod I will say that about 92% of the music is 90's r&b and hip-hop. I feel good when I hear these songs so every week I've decided to take ya'll back to when music had lyrical content and meaning without the explicit BS. Enjoy... "DO YOU WANT TO"-XSCAPE

i need comments for this one

OK. So there's this girl that I know that likes this boy and they are in the same grade and everything. She's pretty,stylish and smart and she's just a real cool chick. Today she found out that her crush has a girlfriend, and get this, she's a freshman! I was so mad when she told me cause I knew she really liked the boy and wanted to get to know him, but he chose a skank stank nobody over a top of the line dime. How that look? And he is a junior! (we are in high school) When she told me I felt bad for her because I knew she was crushed, but that's what crushes end up in right? Being crushed. I told her to just move on to a boy that can handle someone his age and not take the easy way out, and even though she was like, "yeah.yeah, your right.", I knew inside that she wouldn't let go. I don't wanna tell her to be a home wrecker but hey, if she want her man that bad I think she should go get him but at the same time I wanna tell her to keep it movin. I usually have the right remedy for my friends but I really wanna steer her in the right direction on this one. What's a girl to do?

(some) PICTURES OF THE WEDDING

This is a piture of the venue...ain't it fly?




I believe we were at PIER 16 park when these
pictures were taken.

DON'T THEY LOOKE LIKE THEY

STEPPED OUT OF GQ? LOL

deep sigh, shake my head, then gigggle

Before I post the conclusion to "be mature or smack a ho??!!", I would like to give you guys a taste of my family so y'all can see what I'm workin with. Feel free to laugh because I stay in stitches when I see my family. NOTE: THE PICTURES I CHOSE FOR EACH FAMILY MEMBER IS VERY ACCURATE.

This would be my mom, classy, beautiful, a no-bullsh*t woman


This would be my auntie toya, beautiful, young, stylish but she is WAY sweeter than rihanna


This would be my auntie sharifa, the one who is desperate need of a slap, she isn't ugly but her story matches frankie's to a "T", with the whole jail thing and neglecting her kids and when someone says something she gets upset and she won't get it together, just like frankie. smh...

SO OK...these are the main characters in my lil mini story, now I hope ya'll really caught a glimpse of what I was workin with, a glamorous mom, a very sensitive auntie, and a serious hood rat. But I gotta love em right?

reason for previous post...

I live in a town full of Hispanics and while I'm not racist, and they claim they're not racist but I hear them use the word "nigga" about 60 times a day for five days a week. I think a lot so I asked myself "do they use it because black people use it?", so being the lil investigator I am, I just asked some of them. Some of them looked at me like I was asking a stupid question because they don't think it's offensive, but some of them said exactly what I knew they would say. They said "well since black people use it to each other, I wouldn't think it would be wrong." I couldn't even get mad at that because even though it doesn't excuse their using of the word, monkey see monkey do right? A lot of black people don't realize that by using the word they are disrespecting themselves. They don't realize that we are the ONLY race that uses our racist name towards each other, it's sad really. I get very upset when I hear the word, nuff said, I just had to speak my mind on it right quick. I'm black by the way, but i have one last question, what happened to the pride and respect?

N.I.G.G.E.R

• 
  
  
  I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS....AND I WOULD LOVE SOME HONEST OPINIONS
  
  
  
  
  • is it OK to say "nigga" instead of nigger?
  • is it only OK to say it if your black?
  • do you personally get offended when you hear someone say it?
  • does the fact that black people say it make it OK for people of other races say it?
  • does it have the "slavery" definition to you?
  • do you say it?

hmmm....I'm hurt right now, I'll explain later.

note to the self conscience

I'm in high school, and all day for five days a week I'm around young women, and everyday I walk around I observe something new everyday. But something I observe everyday that's not so new is the girls that don't think all too great about themselves. I will admit that I went through that phase but I overcame it because i realized something: you have to work what you got. I stepped my game a million by doing just that, and everyday I wake up and feel like I'm the baddest b*tch. :) All you can do is work what you got cause if you keep on with the "I wish I looked like her" or the "I wish I had this or that", you just play up your looks and walk put the door with your head high.


love,zodiac!

hearts in my eyes...(a rekindled crush)

My first day of school was fantastic! I saw all of my friends, my new teachers are cool, and my psychology class is all that. But on to the good stuff, I looked cute, and as soon as me and a group of my friends walked up to the school, I saw him, Mr.Nijel. My heart starting beating too fast and I was listening to "blame it" by Jamie Foxx but all of a sudden I started to hear "when I see you" by Fantasia. That song has all the symptoms of a crush and I started to feel it all again. Last year when I first started to notice him the crush quickly faded after about two weeks, but I guess the fact that my mom is gonna let me date when i turn 17, which is about six months away, made me like him again. Or maybe it was because I saw today what I saw last year, a calm, cool and collect dude. And he isn't ignorant or obnoxious, and I like that. We have lunch together, so I was secretly watching him with hearts in my eyes, lol. I'm not desperate, if nothing happens then I'll move on because I've been asked out by plenty of guys and since I can date really soon, I'll be able to take them up on their offers. But Nijel, he caught my eye....and I would like to get to know him.

be mature or smack a ho?!? part three

Before I know it the make up artist is in the hotel room and everyone is running around getting ready. I'm feeling tired and grumpy because i had, like, 15 minutes of sleep. So we had to be out of the hotel by 11 so the wedding could take pics at BRYANT PARK and PIER 16. Everything went well with my aunt until we got to PIER 16. O-M-G ya'll, O-M-G. So the photographer is taking our pictures and telling us how to pose and it was all good until the photographer wanted me closer to my mom, all hell broke lose. So I have to pass my auntie and I KNOW I said "excuse me'', she just might not have heard. So then she scoffs and makes this big announcement saying, "she is rude!", talking about me. At that point I was crying blood cause she was gonna make me throw her in the water and let the ship crush her. So the photographer knew something was goin on so because of her we had to stop the whole photo shoot and my mom and step dad went of and took pictures of themselves. So me, the rest of the bride maids and the groomsmen were on break, perfect time for me to let off some steam! So I start pouting at the little bench and my soon to be uncle comes over to me and asks me what's wrong, so I tell him everything. At the end of my yelling, he bobs his head and tells me I'm right and he is pissed off that she's acting like that on her own sisters wedding day! aAnd he was there when she was on her phone cursing my mother out to her friends. My auntie toya saw all of my body language cause I made it no secret that I was pissed so she pulled me to the side. After a 5 minute lecture on how I have to calm down and keep to together for the sake of the wedding (as if i didn't know this), next thing I know some bikers asked my aunt and I to take pictures with them to put on their website, lol. They were very pleasant. Anyway, we go back towards everyone and I just talk to my uncles. So I'm talking to my uncles and all of a sudden my auntie (the one who needs a slap) asks me to come and talk to her. I wanted to cuss her out right then and there but I just said "nah..". Then she was like , to my auntie toya, "well then it ain't my fault!". OH NO THE HELL SHE DIDN'T! FIRST OF ALL OF SHE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN HER SELF TOGETHER WHEN SHE HAD HER FIRST CHILD SHE WOULD HAVE HER KIDS AND SHE WOULDN'T BE FEELIN SOME TYPE OF WAY. SECONDLY, SHE IS THE ONLY ONE GIVING A STANK ATTITUDE ON THE DAY OF MY MOTHERS WEDDING, STRESSING HER OUT AND WHATNOT. THIRD OF ALL, AIN'T NOBODY TRY TO HURT HER BUT SHE HAVE THE AUDACITY TO TALK TO MY AUNT AND MY MOTHER LIKE SH*T AND DISRESPECT MY STEPFATHER WHO HAS BEEN TAKING CARE OF ME SINCE I WAS THREE??!!!! OH NO, NO NO NO NO! UH-UH! I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT...conclusion coming tomorrow (after my first day of school)

back to gen pop

EGHHH! So today is the sixth and it's a Sunday and I'm happy I woke up this morning but I REALLY do not wanna see the building they call PERTH AMBOY HIGH SCHOOL. The school is infested with pregnant students (freshmen-seniors), retarded, ho-ish boys and girls and depressed teachers. The school has never passed a state test and I'm embarrassed to be there, but last year I was on honor roll and was a favorite(not teachers pet) among teachers. They just appreciated my mind and maturity, although some of the teachers couldn't handle it and called me "too mature", as if I was supposed to be immature and ignorant and excused for it just because I'm sixteen. Well there are some things I'm looking forward to, like seeing my associates, see this boy I still like but never had a chance to talk to, seeing the best teacher ever (mr.neibo), being on student council and choir, and being best dressed again and making my fabulous grades. School starts on the 8th and I have a mix of excitement and depression in my tummy. I just hate being around ignorant kids, nasty girls, man whores and people who complain to the teachers about their grades as if the teachers are supposed to give them A's for bad behavior, not studying, poor test scores and MIA homework. You have to work hard to make it into college, and that's what I intend to do.

be mature or smack a ho!?! part two

So she told me not to talk to her child..by that time I was about to rip out her tongue cause if she really cared about her children she would have been a mother when her first child was born, instead she would leave her kids with my grandmother to party. So I just took a deep sigh and got on the elevator to go up to the room. Now I had the bridesmaids dresses in my hand and they were just steamed so anything can make they wrinkle and once again her daughter is acting wild and she was all over the dresses, so i simply said, "TT, you're falling all over the dresses." and my aunt was like (with the stankest tone) "SHE CAN'T HELP IT." Long story short she was testing my fuck*n patience and my gangsta cause as mean as I am I try to be nicer to family but that bitch was gonna make me catch a case. So we get into the room and I immediately step out to call my best friend/sister Kai cause I needed to let off some steam. After about 30 minutes of stares from random people and a group of cute boys (who were laughing at the fact I was goin off) me and kai came to the conclusion that my aunt needed a slap. I felt better and I went upstairs and I finally saw my mother, she needed some nails so we went to the duane read and my mother WENT OFF! She called my auntie Toya and told her that my other aunt should have left her ass home if she gonna be acting like that. My mom gives this woman money and pays for her kids school and lets her over at our house and she had the audacity to ruin her wedding with her stank attitude??!! HELL NAH!! My mother already knew I was gonna fight her but she told me to chill as you guys read in part one but somewhere in her I knew she wished I did, but my mom told me that she got a trick for her cause my aunt is gonna need her before my mom is gonna need my aunt cause my mom got her sh*t together. I didn't wanna stress out my mom too much so I changed the subject and made her laugh as we were walking back to the hotel and we discussed going to the THE PINK TEACUP in the city so we can have lunch. It was like 2 o'clock in the morning when we got back so my mom wanted to take a shower and do her hair and pin up her hair into the style she wanted(she already had a sew-in). And being the little prepared person I am I supplied her with body wash and feminine what nots cause the bar soap at the hotel was not enough for all of us, but only my mom used my body wash because my little cousins are animals and they would have destroyed my soap and I didn't care enough to let my aunt to use some cause she still needed a slap, so to each his own.....part three coming soon

epitome of evil

THIS WHOLE POST IS GONNA BE IN RED AND IN BOLD LETTERS BECAUSE I AM PISSED! ANAND JON ALEXANDER, A FASHION DESIGNER WHO HAS APPEARED ON "ANTM" HAS BEEN SENTENCED 59 YEARS TO LIFE FOR 14 COUNTS OF RAPE. HE LURED TEENAGE GIRLS AND WOMEN TO HIS APARTMENT IN BEVERLY HILLS BY TELLING THEM HE WOULD GIVE THEM WORK. A NOW 17 YEAR OLD MODEL HAD THIS TO SAY ABOUT HER ASSAULT,"I was 14. You took my adolescence, my trust, my dream and completely manipulated them for your sexual desires," said one of the women, who is now 17. "It sickens me that a grown man can do such a thing to a girl. A girl who was naive and had the belief that all people were good. And you took that to your advantage."
ANOTHER MODEL SAID SHE WAS A DADDY'S GIRL AND IT WAS THE HARDEST THING TO TELL HER DAD THAT SHE WAS RAPED. JUDGE DAVID WESLEY OF THE SUPERIOR COURT SAID THAT ANAND HAS NO LOOK OF SHAME..HMMM!
NOW IT'S TIME FOR MY OPINION, NOW I'M JUST 16 BUT I HAVE THE BODY OF A MORE BUSTIER BEYONCE SO I KNOW ALL TOO WELL WHAT SEXUAL HARASSMENT FEELS LIKE. BUT WHEN I WAS 10 I WAS ALMOST RAPED BY TWO BOYS, EVEN THOUGH IT DIDN'T HAPPEN I WAS STILL EMOTIONALLY SCARED. WHEN A MAN OR WOMEN DECIDES TO TAKE THE INNOCENTS OF A PERSON THEY DON'T REALIZE WHAT THEY DO, ESPECIALLY MEN BECAUSE THEY PENETRATE. THEY DON'T THINK OF HOW THE PERSON WILL SUFFER FOR YEARS AND MAKE LIFE DECISIONS BASED ON THE PAIN THEY STILL FEEL. I HOPE HE ROTS IN HELL AND HE IS FUCK*N RETARDED CAUSE THEY HATE RAPISTS IN JAIL, WHEN IT COMES TO RAPISTS ALL THE BEEF WITH THE INMATES CEASE JUST TO GIVE THE RAPISTS HELL. HE MIGHT JUST DIE CAUSE THEY DO NOT PLAY THAT SH*T IN JAIL, SO HE WILL LEARN HIS LESSON, SICK F-er!