me vs. men

in my freshman year my health teacher pulled me to the side and asked me what the hell my problem was. i looked him up and down and was like "i don't know what the hell you're talkin bout!" and he explained to me that i acted like a bitch towards him. at first i thought it was funny but he was dead ass serious. out of nowhere he asked me if i had a bad relationship with my dad and i said yes, very surprised that he would ask that without me even bringing up my father. he told me something that changed my life forever. he said " do not blame every man for his fuck ups." i thank mr.icobone for his lesson, and i want to be able to trust men but something always happens to give me reason to belive that EVERY man i come across will hurt me in one way or another.

this brings me to the subject of my stepfather. i love him with all my heart and for some years i thought he was the father of my dreams but things are changing. he snaps at me for no reason, he yells for no reason and we got a puppy a couple of months ago and he talks to the puppy before he talks to me. long story short he makes me feel like shit, the way my real father makes me feel. im staring to think that in my life,  will have some unofficial war with men, always. every man who has come into my life has made me hate him with his ignorance and selfishness and lies. and it just burns me up when there is no food in the house and my stepfather buys food for himself. so while my mom is off to work and has most likely did not eat and im in the house starving, he will go buy food for himself and get mad if i ask for five dollars to get a sandwich. oh, and did i fail to tell yall that i asked for five dollars to last for the week and he said he didn't have it but twenty minutes later he walks in the house with dog treats and dog food and toys for the dog, and for  those who have pets yall know that shit aint cheap. am i wrong? let me know....

what's so wrong with hate?

people has said that hate is a stong word for as long as i could remember. for some reason it's never had the effect on me that it's had on others. like people would stop using the word and shit just because people told them it's a srong word. love is a strong word too but since it's a "nice" word people use it ALL THE TIME, EVEN WHEN NOT NECESSARY! long story short i hate my father. i hate that he hurts me and doesn't care. i hate that he claims me as his child. i hate that he ignores when he does wrong. and what i hate most is when his family or friends tell me i shouldn't use the word hate when it comes to my father because it's a strong word. SO WHAT?  i feel very stong feelings towards him and they aren't of love, they are of the complete opposite. if anyone feels strong distaste against someone or something, i think it's perfectly fine to use the word hate, and don't let anyone tell you different. i dunno i could be in the wrong but i just had to let you guys know how i feel on hate.  think it's perfectly fine...peace out

and the same record plays...

im so sorry that i haven't been posting you guys. these last couple of days have been very hard. im trying to get a resraining order against my own father. he put his hands on me and i can't believe it. he hasn't seen me since thanksgiving and the first thing he does to me, new year and all, is put his hands on me. i thought that maybe i could start off with a clean slate with him because it's a new year but obviously i can't. and i made up my mind that i never want to see him again and if he tries to get in contact with me i want him to go to jail. im officially done with him. but im on punishment for six months because i was drinking, so my mom took away my ipod, my phone and my laptop, that's why i haven't been blogging much, but there's always the school computers so it's all good. the punishment isn't even whats killing me. everyday since the assault i've been having flashbacks of times where my father has made me cry or made me scared or made me mad to the point that i felt like i wanted him  dead, and i hate going back to that. it's like a record that keeps playing in my mind with the same sad ass song playing. that shit is depressing and im tired of it. people say im wrong for wanting a restraining order but they don' t understand. before thanksgiving i havent seen my "dad" for over a year. he doesn't call me for any holidays and my birthday is no exception. everytime i talk to him it's the hardest moments i have to go through in my year. it's so hard and im almost on the verge of tears but i have to be strong. im gonna get that order and i hope he stays put if my life. he hasn't been in it for a minute and i won't allow him to just come into it when he feels like it, im not letting that shit go down.

i'll post more tomorrow...

My father put his hands on me tonight. I had to call the police and I'm getting a restraining order. I'm tired of this shit...I'll post more tomorrow.

the new year, the new me

2010 is right around the corner, so my swag will be reinvented. I can't wait to start anew. I don't have any new years resolutions but Ihave goals (I'll post those later). Not to mention my b-day will follow not to far after : ). I love to start new and feel like Ican do things with a clean slate. I can't wait to inhale as soon as that ball drops, it'll be my first breath of the new year and oh, it will be sweet because I've been feeling suffocated, made weary with my own obssesion of working hard and being the best.One of my goals is to learn how to relax and to not over work myself, because tomorrow is not guaranteed and I would feel           really bad knowing that I've lived my life without noticing life's precious treasures because my work consumed me. I learned that when my friend KITTIM passed. I miss him..a lot. (17 years young...didn't see it coming)

I miss you, we'll meet again swetie : )

R.I.P Brittany Murphy

Wow, only 32 years old. My stepdad said everyone is checkin out, I guess he ain't lyin.

She died of a heart attack and I feel so bad. R.I.P mami <3

I've come to my conclusion...

As many of you know, if you read my blog, I have a tendency of thinking a lot about everything that life throws at me, so I was in my mothers room (don't ask why) thinking and this is how I looked...

This is me thinking about how funny it is how people are fake and will turn on you at any given moment

This is me wondering why I let people get close to me and really thinking about what I should do

This is me going "hmmmm.."

and this is me smiling because I've reached my conclusion : I can't stand females and I have 5 great friends in my life and I don't need any more. I rather have 5 honest , true, loyal friends than 100 fake ass, phony "friends". LOL I'm surpised im in this situation because I knew this, but you live and learns everyday and sometimes the lesson needs to be taught twice. But on a lighter note, I went to the Knicks game yesterday and it was TOO good, KNICKS WON! But the clippers did their thing, for a second they were ahead, but NY was represtenting!!

for once i'm scared to cry...one of my "waiting to exhale" moments, advice please

I would like to start of my saying that my weekend since friday has been shitty. More shitty than a damn toilet. So on Friday I went to my grandpa's funeral. It was the first time I saw a actual dead body because it was open casket, but he was handsome. They put him in a white tux and his flowers were beautiful, I hope he was happy with his homegoing. This was the second time I saw a mother bury her child, and it caused me great pain to see my great grandmother cry and on top of that she just buried her other son a month ago. This is why I don't go to Jersey City (my home town), bad memories and experiences. That's just Friday.

So on Saturday I was wondering where was my boyfriend, he didn't call me all that week and I was beyond pissed cause here I am hurting and crying and I expect him to be there for me cause I'm there for him but, no. So that very same day I found out his stupid ass was in jail. Then all of a sudden he texted me and was like "anything you have of mine, I want it back". So then I asked him what's wrong, and at first he didn't wanna tell me but then after beating it out of him he said I was kissing another dude. Definitley didn't. But at this point im ready to let go because he was willing to believe someone else over me and that hurt and had me pissed  but at the end I told him to recollect himself and I'll collect myself and I will see him tomorrow so we can talk about it and try to work it out with relaxed minds. I don't believe in talking things out when in the state of being pissed. At the same time that let me know he cares because any other dude would have left without  notice and did him after hearing something like that about his girl.

Today it's Sunday, and me being the good woman I am, I go to this negro's house to spend some time with him and talk it out, but he wasn't there. All I have to say about that is if he isn't willing to put any effort in it and he won't meet me half way then I'll just go and do me because I'm a good catch and I'm young and like the new boyz said " she (he) ain't gonna tie me down!" but I do have some feelings for him, but if I have to let go I will. But what really pissed me off was the fact that I told him that I just buried my grandpa and he still came at me with that petty bullshit! I dunno guys...I just don't know. Imma go watch some t.v. now, but please, I need some advice. SHOULD I HAVE CHEATED LIKE KEYSHIA COLE SAID? I wanted to cry, but Briani is too strong to let that happen, I won't give him that much energy.

ok...(the word that turned the tables)

I dont know what the hell is up with my mom and her stank attitude but at one point she was two seconds from my foot in her ass. As fed up as I was with her nagging and ranting about things that had nothing to do with me, I refused to give her my energy, so when she was like, "..and you need to do what i tell you to!", all I said was a simple "ok". It was emotionless and it pissed her off. Mission accomplished.

and one text had me f*cked up...

I make it no secret that I have no relationship with my dad, thats how bad we are. But one day while I was in english yelling at my teacher I got a text from my cousin. She said "your father texted me and imma forward it to you." When she said that I was like "oh boy, this nigga make it his business to work my nerves!" I was turning beet red and I was thinking of how I was gonna have to yell at him when I got home.

 Finally I get the message. I was on the verge of tears. It said:
"I just dont wanna go into the new year without being in her life. I love my daughter and she's growing to be a beautiful young woman and I just don't wanna miss out. I know I'm not perfect but im trying and I apologize for putting her through what I put her through. please tell her."

I have no idea how to feel because on one hand he said this sh*t before so one side of me is just like "please shut your lyin ass up" but then again I do love my father and I feel a void in my life from time to time because he's not in my life and time doesn't stop just because I feel empty at times and we cant get time back, so it's either the relationship happens or not. I feel like my dad might be growing into a man finally but I don't know..is it too late you guys? I don't have time to catch him up on my life and I don't have time to teach him about me again. I'm not a baby or a little girl anymore and he missed out on very important times in my life, one being my 16th birthday!

honestly it pained my heart for him to think i want him to be perfect. no one is perfect, and i don't want him to be perfect, i just want him to be there.  i think i'll go cry now...

i MUST have that good good

WE ALL HAVE OUR FANS RIGHT AKA HATERS, WELL SOMEBODY THAT WAS KINDA IN MY CIRCLE ALWAYS MADE HERSELF SEEM LIKE SHE WASN'T A HATER BUT ALAS! THE BITCH MOST DEFINITLY IS. Ok so I have a new boo ok, and he his fine! Six foot two, in college with a car and a job, so he got it goin on. I dont mind that other girls look at him or try to talk to him because he only got eyes for me and he's proven that to me on many ocassions but one bitch slipped up.

So one day when my man is about to go out with some friends and this girl approches him trying to spit some game. Hmm..if he was really interested he would have tried to talk to her, but anyway, he tells the girl ,"I have a girl, you probbably know her, her name is BRIANI." SHE SAYS :"Ew. your talking to BRIANI? She's fat and bald with big lips and she ain't a virgin." HE SAYS: "If you're trying to talk to me why are you so concerned about her?'' SHE SAYS: "OH..I didnt mean it like that." HE SAYS:"I gotta go."

That night he told me the story, so I had him describe to me the girl. Turns out I know the girl! We used to be kinda cool, I never tried to f*ck with her like that cause she's a hypocrite, a liar and a phony and she just proved my judgement was true. So my man told me not to worry about her cause she was just hating. Hmm..I just wanna know one thing. HOW IN THE HELL WOULD SHE KNOW WHEATHER OR NOT I'M A VIRGIN IF SHE NEVER TOOK A TRIP IN MY VAG? I would really love to know. And if she really felt like I was'nt a top notch bitch like I am then she wouldn't have found the need to bring me down. But it's ok cause my man made her feel stupid and I'm not even trippin cause I don't have time for no trick. She just got herself added to my list of fans.

I COULD REALLY PUT HER BUSINESS IN THE STREET IF I WANTED TO.but I'm above that.
lol, girls are so dumb, THAT'S WHY I'M A YOUNG LADY. (stupid bitch...)

GOD'S SOLDIERS

Shiloh Pepin passed about two or three days ago and my heart was so crushed. She was only 10. It amazes me that this young lady lived with something called "mermaid syndrom" and she lived life to the fullest everyday. I can truly say we encountered one of God's soldiers because she did not let the fact that she never walked be her limitation. We could only be so lucky to have lived life the way she did with two legs. Rest in peace little angel, you were the perfect mermaid.

the good..the bad..the ugly

For the first time in weeks I actually felt like crying. I am very stressed, upset, crushing hard and it seems to me like time is going too fast for me and I feel like I'm being left behind.

AS FOR THE GOOD: I FINALLY talked to my crush. I was so scared but when I finally talked to him it was so good! It was funny how it happened cause I kinda yelled at him but still, it was dreamy and absolutely what I've been wanting since last year. Oh...and I auditioned for choral and I made it! Yay for me! I love music!









AS FOR THE BAD: I'm doing just OK in school. I am a serious perfectionist. My teachers say that everything doesn't have to be perfect but that goes in one ear and out the other cause I will not hand in work that's sloppy and less than worthy. That's not apart of the Briani swag. I have to be above the rest with whatever I do especially because I'm tryin to go to college and everything counts. But being a perfectionist is not easy. I give up so much time that should be mine into school work and I know that in the end it'll all pay off but some days falling off a bridge sounds really good. I just wish I could tell time to wait damn minute so I can take a deep breath and get some sleep!







AS FOR THE UGLY: people are gonna make me come out of my character and I will have to start distributing slaps! I'm not a clingy person. I'm independent and I like people who don't like to be up under me unless your one of the people I chill with all day everyday. There's two people that I feel like if they don't see me or I don't talk to them all day they can't go on. It was scary at first but now its just annoying and I'm getting mad! I know I'm a cool chick to be around but I have like five people in my school that I don't mind being around all day everyday, but some people need to take 10 giant steps back and let a girl breathe! They're gonna make me go into "Stewie mode" and just while out. And I swear if one of those retarded freshmen bump into me into more gin imma go off!

I AM JEALOUS

I'M NOT SURE HOW TO START THIS POST SO I'M JUST JUMP RIGHT INTO IT...I have a dead beat dad. He has my number but doesn't call me. For my 16th birthday I didn't get a "happy birthday" or a gift from him. He neglected me for two Christmases and two thanksgivings. He lies to his family and says he pays child support and he doesn't. When he asks me if I need clothes and I say yes and he tells me he will take me shopping he doesn't. As strong as I try to be, because his lies are nothing new, I still find myself asking God "why me?''. I don't want to question God's plan but I really wonder why he chose the man that he chose to be my father. My mom says he's a sperm donor because it's more to being a father than supplying DNA. I get so sad sometimes ya'll, but anyway, when I watch "Runs House", I really get jealous of Vanessa, Angela,Diggy,Russy,Jojo and Miley. They have a strong, intelligent, providing, understanding, loving, compassionate Black man in their lives, and it pisses me off that more Black men can't or choose not to be like him. I see him interact with them. He exposes them to new things. He only wants top notch things for them. He ALWAYS shows love. He is very understanding and I just wish that I had that. I was actually thinking about writing a book for girls in my situation because a lot of us need guidance, and I see alot of girls go down a bad road because they didn't feel the love from their fathers. I'm trying to be strong. I get very weary from the situation because it seems like every chance he gets he does something to piss me off with his ignorance and lies. I know there's no sin in getting weary, the sin is giving up, and I gave up a long time ago because I feel that there is no more forgiveness in my heart or tolerance in my mind or energy in my body. Thank you Rev Run, Obama, Diddy and my stepfather for being great and awesome men to your kids. You guys are deeply appreciated.

be mature or smack a ho?!? part three

Before I know it the make up artist is in the hotel room and everyone is running around getting ready. I'm feeling tired and grumpy because i had, like, 15 minutes of sleep. So we had to be out of the hotel by 11 so the wedding could take pics at BRYANT PARK and PIER 16. Everything went well with my aunt until we got to PIER 16. O-M-G ya'll, O-M-G. So the photographer is taking our pictures and telling us how to pose and it was all good until the photographer wanted me closer to my mom, all hell broke lose. So I have to pass my auntie and I KNOW I said "excuse me'', she just might not have heard. So then she scoffs and makes this big announcement saying, "she is rude!", talking about me. At that point I was crying blood cause she was gonna make me throw her in the water and let the ship crush her. So the photographer knew something was goin on so because of her we had to stop the whole photo shoot and my mom and step dad went of and took pictures of themselves. So me, the rest of the bride maids and the groomsmen were on break, perfect time for me to let off some steam! So I start pouting at the little bench and my soon to be uncle comes over to me and asks me what's wrong, so I tell him everything. At the end of my yelling, he bobs his head and tells me I'm right and he is pissed off that she's acting like that on her own sisters wedding day! aAnd he was there when she was on her phone cursing my mother out to her friends. My auntie toya saw all of my body language cause I made it no secret that I was pissed so she pulled me to the side. After a 5 minute lecture on how I have to calm down and keep to together for the sake of the wedding (as if i didn't know this), next thing I know some bikers asked my aunt and I to take pictures with them to put on their website, lol. They were very pleasant. Anyway, we go back towards everyone and I just talk to my uncles. So I'm talking to my uncles and all of a sudden my auntie (the one who needs a slap) asks me to come and talk to her. I wanted to cuss her out right then and there but I just said "nah..". Then she was like , to my auntie toya, "well then it ain't my fault!". OH NO THE HELL SHE DIDN'T! FIRST OF ALL OF SHE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN HER SELF TOGETHER WHEN SHE HAD HER FIRST CHILD SHE WOULD HAVE HER KIDS AND SHE WOULDN'T BE FEELIN SOME TYPE OF WAY. SECONDLY, SHE IS THE ONLY ONE GIVING A STANK ATTITUDE ON THE DAY OF MY MOTHERS WEDDING, STRESSING HER OUT AND WHATNOT. THIRD OF ALL, AIN'T NOBODY TRY TO HURT HER BUT SHE HAVE THE AUDACITY TO TALK TO MY AUNT AND MY MOTHER LIKE SH*T AND DISRESPECT MY STEPFATHER WHO HAS BEEN TAKING CARE OF ME SINCE I WAS THREE??!!!! OH NO, NO NO NO NO! UH-UH! I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT...conclusion coming tomorrow (after my first day of school)

be mature or smack a ho!?! part two

So she told me not to talk to her child..by that time I was about to rip out her tongue cause if she really cared about her children she would have been a mother when her first child was born, instead she would leave her kids with my grandmother to party. So I just took a deep sigh and got on the elevator to go up to the room. Now I had the bridesmaids dresses in my hand and they were just steamed so anything can make they wrinkle and once again her daughter is acting wild and she was all over the dresses, so i simply said, "TT, you're falling all over the dresses." and my aunt was like (with the stankest tone) "SHE CAN'T HELP IT." Long story short she was testing my fuck*n patience and my gangsta cause as mean as I am I try to be nicer to family but that bitch was gonna make me catch a case. So we get into the room and I immediately step out to call my best friend/sister Kai cause I needed to let off some steam. After about 30 minutes of stares from random people and a group of cute boys (who were laughing at the fact I was goin off) me and kai came to the conclusion that my aunt needed a slap. I felt better and I went upstairs and I finally saw my mother, she needed some nails so we went to the duane read and my mother WENT OFF! She called my auntie Toya and told her that my other aunt should have left her ass home if she gonna be acting like that. My mom gives this woman money and pays for her kids school and lets her over at our house and she had the audacity to ruin her wedding with her stank attitude??!! HELL NAH!! My mother already knew I was gonna fight her but she told me to chill as you guys read in part one but somewhere in her I knew she wished I did, but my mom told me that she got a trick for her cause my aunt is gonna need her before my mom is gonna need my aunt cause my mom got her sh*t together. I didn't wanna stress out my mom too much so I changed the subject and made her laugh as we were walking back to the hotel and we discussed going to the THE PINK TEACUP in the city so we can have lunch. It was like 2 o'clock in the morning when we got back so my mom wanted to take a shower and do her hair and pin up her hair into the style she wanted(she already had a sew-in). And being the little prepared person I am I supplied her with body wash and feminine what nots cause the bar soap at the hotel was not enough for all of us, but only my mom used my body wash because my little cousins are animals and they would have destroyed my soap and I didn't care enough to let my aunt to use some cause she still needed a slap, so to each his own.....part three coming soon

epitome of evil

THIS WHOLE POST IS GONNA BE IN RED AND IN BOLD LETTERS BECAUSE I AM PISSED! ANAND JON ALEXANDER, A FASHION DESIGNER WHO HAS APPEARED ON "ANTM" HAS BEEN SENTENCED 59 YEARS TO LIFE FOR 14 COUNTS OF RAPE. HE LURED TEENAGE GIRLS AND WOMEN TO HIS APARTMENT IN BEVERLY HILLS BY TELLING THEM HE WOULD GIVE THEM WORK. A NOW 17 YEAR OLD MODEL HAD THIS TO SAY ABOUT HER ASSAULT,"I was 14. You took my adolescence, my trust, my dream and completely manipulated them for your sexual desires," said one of the women, who is now 17. "It sickens me that a grown man can do such a thing to a girl. A girl who was naive and had the belief that all people were good. And you took that to your advantage."
ANOTHER MODEL SAID SHE WAS A DADDY'S GIRL AND IT WAS THE HARDEST THING TO TELL HER DAD THAT SHE WAS RAPED. JUDGE DAVID WESLEY OF THE SUPERIOR COURT SAID THAT ANAND HAS NO LOOK OF SHAME..HMMM!
NOW IT'S TIME FOR MY OPINION, NOW I'M JUST 16 BUT I HAVE THE BODY OF A MORE BUSTIER BEYONCE SO I KNOW ALL TOO WELL WHAT SEXUAL HARASSMENT FEELS LIKE. BUT WHEN I WAS 10 I WAS ALMOST RAPED BY TWO BOYS, EVEN THOUGH IT DIDN'T HAPPEN I WAS STILL EMOTIONALLY SCARED. WHEN A MAN OR WOMEN DECIDES TO TAKE THE INNOCENTS OF A PERSON THEY DON'T REALIZE WHAT THEY DO, ESPECIALLY MEN BECAUSE THEY PENETRATE. THEY DON'T THINK OF HOW THE PERSON WILL SUFFER FOR YEARS AND MAKE LIFE DECISIONS BASED ON THE PAIN THEY STILL FEEL. I HOPE HE ROTS IN HELL AND HE IS FUCK*N RETARDED CAUSE THEY HATE RAPISTS IN JAIL, WHEN IT COMES TO RAPISTS ALL THE BEEF WITH THE INMATES CEASE JUST TO GIVE THE RAPISTS HELL. HE MIGHT JUST DIE CAUSE THEY DO NOT PLAY THAT SH*T IN JAIL, SO HE WILL LEARN HIS LESSON, SICK F-er!

be mature or smack a ho!?!

(DEEP SIGH)..Ok, so yesterday was my moms wedding. BEAUTIFUL wedding, but of course there was some behind the scenes drama and for my mom and stepdad's (who has been in my life since i was three) sake i tried to keep it together but of course there has to be an oddball who fucked it up. My ghettos ass, fresh out of jail, broke ass,ungrateful, ignorant,27 year old auntie was about to get the beat down of her life from me, her sixteen year old niece. First of all ,out of nowhere she decides to take her and her three kids out of the wedding knowing damn well that my mom paid for everything for this wedding and nobody contributed,especially not her. SO, my mom is like "if you wanna bounce bitch,go ahead." and she left it at that. So my aunt had the chance to leave my house but her punk ass ain't do sh*t other than call her retarded ass friends and talk sh*t about my mother. So i'm getting pissed and ready to jump on her but my mom was like,''chill", and I didn't wanna ruin the day before her wedding so I do as I was told, I chill.
So,then after a couple of hours we were on our way to the LONDON HOTEL in NEW YORK from my house in Jersey and I guess the b*tch decided to go, so in my mind I was thinking "Yeah,you wasn't goin nowhere cause your ass is on parole and you're in a group home and have no custody of none of your three kids, so you can't take them nowhere." So we get to the hotel and we are passing through the hotel revolving door and her daughter never been nowere so she don't know how to do it and so I tell the little girl to push, and my aunt had the damn nerve to be like "Don't talk to my child,Briani"....part two coming soon... >:(

intintionally hurt...(letter to my "best friend")

I tried to hide it

I even tried to deny it

but I've been intentionally hurt

hurt by a love that was supposed to be reserved for me

by a person who i thought if i gave them what they need,they would give me what i need

I've been intentionally hurt

maybe she doesn't know

or maybe she does

but everyday i ask myself

"what happened to the love?"

when the world got to be too much for her I would be her shield

I was the one to hold her when she needed to be held

I've been intentionally hurt

I thought if I gave love I would get it in return

but I've been left abandoned and destitute

by my best friend, my sister,who was supposed to be you

I know she can feel my need and taste my pain

I know she heard me when I said "without you I would go insane."

I've been intentionally hurt

by someone I gave time that I didn't have

by someone who when her blood made her cry, I would make her laugh

I question my intelligence

I seriously thought she had love for me

I thought if I shed blood for her,she would bleed for me

I've been intentionally hurt

by someone I would never do harm to

so why were you so quick to hurt me if I never tried to hurt you?

I've learned to love her flaws

glorify her perfections

but you intentionally hurt me when you took away your affection

I'm hurt

and I know you know

but at the same time with any relationship, that's the way love goes

all by my lonesome...

Ever felt alone? Ever felt like there was no one to call on? Today I just feel like im alone..I have no idea why though. Maybe it's because im changing and my friends are changing from young teens to young adults...I dont wanna grow out of my friends but if that's the way its gotta be then so be it. I don't feel sad or upset but i do feel this indecribable feeling of lonliness and betrayal. Well,you can't be there for everybody and everybody WON'T be there for you..even though you expect them to. You feel me??