love:what does it mean to you?

"love is the slowest form of suicide"
 "love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to"

which do you believe?
what is your definition of love?


how we get down in jersey...

um, yeah, i don't give a fuck bitch!!!

well, one of my friends decided to stop talkin to me because she thinks i was talkin about her
is she serious!?
yes, she is very much so serious.
um, i don't think she knows this but i could really care less. i've come to the point in my high school carrer where i have far more important thing to do than to worry about somethiing like who wants to be friends with me.
(i scoff)
im officially done with bitches. i have my five ride or die that's willing to do anything and everything for me
what do i wan with a lil ass girl?!
i think she was toxic in my life anyway and i really think this is GOD'S way of telling me our friendship
was bad for me.

ugh, i can't wait till i get my computer back so i can blog properly because just blogging at school is not working.  i can't show you guys my puppy or put up new pics of me or even put up my funny video i made *frowns*
just stick it out with me : )



ugh. not even

ten days till the B-DAY
 i guess people were right when they say " the excitment wears off."

but the good thing is i saw my crush today!! yes it's the same mr.nigel i been havin a crush on since last year!
ugh, he's like tyson beckford with some morris chestnut and pooch hall and willie from day 26 all rolled into one. yes, it's that serious : )
which brings me to my next point, i need to "break up" with my "boyfriend"
he's becoming a real pain in the ass. he wants to be all up on me and kiss and talk and it's just at the point where i wanna tell him off but at the same time i don't wanna hurt him. but he makes me wanna slap him when he expects me to look good at all times but he be all scruffy and once he even smelled like fish, that's when i knew it had to be over. may sound shallow but whatever, my eyes and nose has needs and if he can't satisfy them but he expects me to satisfy his, it won't work anyway.


:unofficial girl:

being in a "relatioship" and all what it's made up to be
it's complete bullshit
i just don't have the feelings i used to have for my boo because i feel stuck
the last time i saw him i wasn't even happy to see him
i was sick to my damn stomach!
ugh, and i actually felt bad that he likes me more than i like him
he kept calling me girlfriend and ven though i didn't tell him how i felt about that, after we parted ways i realized something very important
i liked being his unofficial girl
it's sweet that he wants to go there with me but uh-uh, im not even feelin it
all day i was thinking if i should tell him or not cause i just dont' know what i should do at this point

this is how i feel, he was my little secret for some time, and it should stay that way, but we not cheating i rather leave before we get into all of that mess which brings me to this song...

i feel the girl version of this, i have love for him and i don't wanna hurt him but i just wanna do me *shrugs*


me vs. men

in my freshman year my health teacher pulled me to the side and asked me what the hell my problem was. i looked him up and down and was like "i don't know what the hell you're talkin bout!" and he explained to me that i acted like a bitch towards him. at first i thought it was funny but he was dead ass serious. out of nowhere he asked me if i had a bad relationship with my dad and i said yes, very surprised that he would ask that without me even bringing up my father. he told me something that changed my life forever. he said " do not blame every man for his fuck ups." i thank mr.icobone for his lesson, and i want to be able to trust men but something always happens to give me reason to belive that EVERY man i come across will hurt me in one way or another.

this brings me to the subject of my stepfather. i love him with all my heart and for some years i thought he was the father of my dreams but things are changing. he snaps at me for no reason, he yells for no reason and we got a puppy a couple of months ago and he talks to the puppy before he talks to me. long story short he makes me feel like shit, the way my real father makes me feel. im staring to think that in my life,  will have some unofficial war with men, always. every man who has come into my life has made me hate him with his ignorance and selfishness and lies. and it just burns me up when there is no food in the house and my stepfather buys food for himself. so while my mom is off to work and has most likely did not eat and im in the house starving, he will go buy food for himself and get mad if i ask for five dollars to get a sandwich. oh, and did i fail to tell yall that i asked for five dollars to last for the week and he said he didn't have it but twenty minutes later he walks in the house with dog treats and dog food and toys for the dog, and for  those who have pets yall know that shit aint cheap. am i wrong? let me know....


what's so wrong with hate?

people has said that hate is a stong word for as long as i could remember. for some reason it's never had the effect on me that it's had on others. like people would stop using the word and shit just because people told them it's a srong word. love is a strong word too but since it's a "nice" word people use it ALL THE TIME, EVEN WHEN NOT NECESSARY! long story short i hate my father. i hate that he hurts me and doesn't care. i hate that he claims me as his child. i hate that he ignores when he does wrong. and what i hate most is when his family or friends tell me i shouldn't use the word hate when it comes to my father because it's a strong word. SO WHAT?  i feel very stong feelings towards him and they aren't of love, they are of the complete opposite. if anyone feels strong distaste against someone or something, i think it's perfectly fine to use the word hate, and don't let anyone tell you different. i dunno i could be in the wrong but i just had to let you guys know how i feel on hate.  think it's perfectly fine...peace out


guess what mr james did??!!

james called me  bitch!, yes you read it right he called me a bitch! imma tell yall more later cause im tired lol


gosh..that wasn't nice

so there's this guy named james who likes me. i guess he's a nice kid but, yeah, not really my type. he's a geeky black dude who doesn't know himself. and i don't mean he's geeky in the way that he's mad smart, i mean he talks like he hasn't hit puberty, he tucks in ALL of his shirts and he has zits that should have their own name. and i just hate the way he says my name. ugh, it makes me wanna punch him. so it's february and he came up to me and was like "what are you doin MAY 22?" i gave him a blank look. who the hell knows exactly what they're doing about 3 months away unless you're going on vacation? tell me, WHO?!!! so after i recovered from some internal mean thoughts and questions, i smiled sweetly and said "um, i dunno. why?" and he said it's the day of the junior prom and that he wanted to take me. (insert awww if you wanna, i wouldn't, because things just get worse) i laughed hysterically because i just didn't understand why he would ask so damn soon. first of all the junior prom didn't even cross my mind cause i hate this school and i don't wanna go. second of all i feel like old boy is on some OD shit because, like,  IT'S THREE MONTHS AWAY! i just told him i would seriously consider it, which i don't plan on doing. but he was bold though because he asked for all of my information ie. email, myspace, phone number. i aint give him shit because thats a potential stalker, its bad enough he stares at me all through class.

because i was so tickled by him, i told my sister. SHE WAS PISSED! LOL. she does not like james because she feels like he's ugly and dumb and she can't even belive he had the audacity to ask me out. (she must think the world of me right?) and before i could stop her she went on a mission looking for him. i know she has a slick mouth and believe it or not she's meaner than me! she finally found him and i tried to tell him to walk away, but his pride got the best of him and he stayed for an unexpected tounge lashin'. she went off!!! she went on and on about how he's ugly and how i would never go out with him, how he was stupid for even asking and honestly i felt bad for him. yes james can be  an annoying smart ass but i wouldn't have put him down like that. that doesn't mean i wasn't laughing though. i laughed till my macara was streaking down my face. im sorry, but the shit was funny, i just couldn't help myself, its like when you see someone fall, you're gonna laugh. at the end, james couldn't even look at me, he was lookin at my sister with disgust and, from what she told me, his eyes started to water. i felt bad but that just shows me that he doesn't have thick skin and if he wanna be with me, he gonna have to have heart. but i got a man so its all good. but that wasn't nice, it was funny as hell, but not nice at all. : )