why is he even allowed in public? i shouldn't have to witness his face.

why doesn't he realize he's gay?

why do they look like the jackson5 on crack now?

why is he so DAMN fine??!!!


there's a pregnancy pact in my school, never know what you got till it's gone : (

as you all know my school is infested with whores. im talkin bout girls who make it a must to show their belly button rings, thongs and even granny panties. girls who give head in the back of the class room. girls who have had at least two abortions before the age of 15, girls who wear yeast infection pants and "show everything but your nipples" shirts. if you guys think for one second im over exaggerating, im not, im being oh so serious. for those who watch LIFETIME, you know that the premire for the movie "PREGNANCY PACT" came on sunday and you'll have a better idea of what im talkin about. there is at least 50 girls in my school who ar pregnant. day by day i see what me and my friends call "the bump" on girls who we have to move out of the way for so she can pass. i am officially convinced that there is a pregnancy pact in my school. it only makes sense and the worst part about it is that they walk around thinking it's cute and that taking care of that baby will be a piece of cake. no, not at all. i have a puppy i can hardly keep up with (yes i have a new dog!!!) not to mention about 6 cousins that i co-raised by force and trust me, when they wanna go to the club and can't their gonna wish they kept their legs closed and waited for something worth waititng for.

other than that im still on punishment and i think my mom is in need of a slap. she's so damn annoying when she gets in one of her moods. honestly how can she yell at me because she left clean pots, yes clean pots, on the stove? she makes no sense half the time. ugh, moms! but i miss my ipod dearly and my laptop, and my boo. he's doin his thing in college so i can't complain. im happy he's not a bum. love ya'll! peace.


is it me or am i unattractive?

i was talking to one of my guy friends and he said black girls are not attractive. he said there's just something about us that is a turn off. so i asked him if it was the fact that we have alot of attitude and he said no, so obviously he was talking about the looks. he went on and on about how brazilian women and spanish women are sexy. yes, i do think brazilian and spanish women are beautiful but i see beauty in every race of women. i think it has everything to do with hair. i have nice hair, but i don't think it's the most important characteristisc to look for. im not gonna say it's all about personality either because, come on, who the hell doesn't wanna be attracted to their mate, but to but down all black girls, that was cruel and ignorant. i think the stereotype is that all black girls have is nappy hair, bad attitudes, tar colored skin and fat asses. nah, that's not true at all. i've seen black girls with green eyes, grey eyes, blond hair, brown hair, long hair, sand colored skin (not to say that light skinned girls are more attractive), beautiful chocolate skin, just drop dead gorgeous to say the least. but then again everyone is entitiled to their opinion. im just sayin, my man had no right to put it like that.



gotta love 'em

my mom can be a straight up bitch, and im not afraid to admit that. two days ago i used the bathroom at about 2:30 am and this woman seriously stood outside the bathroom waiting for me to finish just so she could yell at me. who the hell does that?, i understand im on punishment and all but come on! i was doing what a normal human being does, why should the time in which it was done be a reason to yell at me. so needless to say she pisses me off and i think she needs a slap from time to time. honestly i havent done ANYTHING since ive been on lock and that includes asking her for lunch money, so yes, i starve while im at school because she's that much of a bitch sometimes and i get so turned off that i don't even ask. i can't even stress how hard she is on me. six months of punishment for a glass of wine, everyone is entitiled to their opinion but i just think my mom does not know how to punish suitably. so last night when she pissed me off yet again i realized that there is nothing that that woman could do to make me stop loving her. there'e just some people in your life that you are going to love regardless. but my biological dad is another story. i havent said the word dad in so long that its foreign to me. i hate that "man". he can rot in hell. there's no excuse and i pray that God will have mercy on his soul. nuff said.

now my auntie is a cute, young, annoying thing. she always wants me to babysit and she's always at my house makin a whole lot of unwanted noise and i get sick of her always asking me how i feel. ugh, i just wanna yell at her but she's so sweet that if i did i would feel guilty afterwards. she's another one that gets on my LAST nerve bt i love her just the same. 

the list could just go on and on but im gonna end it there. other than that i feel like shit but at the same time i don't. i feel like shit on one hand because i miss my ipod, my laptop, my cell phone and my boo. mommy took all of that away from me. and on the other hand i feel great because colleges are contacting me and i feel like im gonna get my ticket out of my house. i wanna get away by any means and college is my ticket. im at the point in my life where i can't wait to be 18!!! i think it will be sweet but something in the back of my mind is telling me that i need to live my life now and not wait for it to start on my 18th birthday, but im waiting...peace out y'all.


and the same record plays...

im so sorry that i haven't been posting you guys. these last couple of days have been very hard. im trying to get a resraining order against my own father. he put his hands on me and i can't believe it. he hasn't seen me since thanksgiving and the first thing he does to me, new year and all, is put his hands on me. i thought that maybe i could start off with a clean slate with him because it's a new year but obviously i can't. and i made up my mind that i never want to see him again and if he tries to get in contact with me i want him to go to jail. im officially done with him. but im on punishment for six months because i was drinking, so my mom took away my ipod, my phone and my laptop, that's why i haven't been blogging much, but there's always the school computers so it's all good. the punishment isn't even whats killing me. everyday since the assault i've been having flashbacks of times where my father has made me cry or made me scared or made me mad to the point that i felt like i wanted him  dead, and i hate going back to that. it's like a record that keeps playing in my mind with the same sad ass song playing. that shit is depressing and im tired of it. people say im wrong for wanting a restraining order but they don' t understand. before thanksgiving i havent seen my "dad" for over a year. he doesn't call me for any holidays and my birthday is no exception. everytime i talk to him it's the hardest moments i have to go through in my year. it's so hard and im almost on the verge of tears but i have to be strong. im gonna get that order and i hope he stays put if my life. he hasn't been in it for a minute and i won't allow him to just come into it when he feels like it, im not letting that shit go down.


i'll post more tomorrow...

My father put his hands on me tonight. I had to call the police and I'm getting a restraining order. I'm tired of this shit...I'll post more tomorrow.


ok i'm back!!

I feel like a stuffed turkey full of emotions. I'm happy and mad and a little worried.Well I'm happy because it's Friday. This weekend was much needed. It was hell trying to fix it but I fixed it so I'm REALLY happy about that so now you guys can see when I update this thang. I'm mad because I went to my boyfriend's house today to chill with his sister. His sister is my age and we're really cool, but his youngest sister who is a year younger than me and she does not like me at all. Do I have a issue with her not liking me? No, not at all. But what  I do have a problem with is that she disrespects me when it isn't even called for. I understand she's still young and immature at heart but she should know better. As soon as I walked in the door she said "the dog is here." At that moment I wanted to slap her teeth straight and rip the skin off of her face, but because I refuse to give the little bitch my energy, I'm gonna ignore her every time she has something to say. But if the little girl decides to touch me we are gonna have one of these..again.

I don't want it to go there, but I'm not as patient as she thinks. The quiet ones are the ones you gotta look out for, and that's me all the way. At any moment I could explode and do something to detroy her life forever and make sure she never recovers, but like I said I don't want it to go there. I dont have time for all of that.

The only reason I'm worried is because I just wanna do well in school. I have to get into a good college. I just have to.

peace out y'all! : )


technical difficulties

Some of you guys have informed me that my blog does not show up on you guys' dashboards. I don't know what the problem is and I'm trying to fix it. If anyone has any information on how to fix this problem please let me know so you guys don't think I'm slackin on the blogging. : )...I will be back with you guys momentarily.


a woman vs. a grown ass little girl :what happened at the salon

So today I got my hair done. I got myself a doobi at the dominican salon because I'm trying to do my natural thing, but anyway there was some drama today. Even though I don't speak spanish and I live in a highly Hispanic populated area, I caught the gist of what happened. so there I was getting my hair blown out and all of a sudden these two women step to my hair dresser on some other shit. Like they were yelling at her and showing her text messages and all my hair dresser said was "uh-uh, no, not me", so here's what happened. One of the women thought that my hair dresser was creeping around with her man. So she came in a salon full of people with her sister (probably), and decided to put her business out ther in front of a salon full of people and she put my haor dresser on blast, but my hair dresser did someting very classy, she told the woman that she will talk to her later like an adult and handle their bussiness when they were alone.

When you find out that your signifigant other is creeping you can do one of two things. You can get all ignorant and act before you think or you can handle your business like an adult. Once when one of my boyfriend's cheated on me, I didnt cry (at least not in front of people) and I didn't yell at him when I finally I saw him. I spoke to him and told him that instead of creeping around he should have stepped to me like a man and told me he wanted it to be over because I could have had someone else by my side if he no longer has interest then I decided to pay the girl he cheated on me with a little visit. I didn't whoop her ass even though I wanted to, but I spoke to her. I asked her if she knew about me and I told her that if he did something like this to me, what made her think that he wouldnt do it to her? Long story short I didn't get ghetto and i didn't call her out of her name and i showed no weakness. After that woman left after making a scene I realized that even though some women are technically grown women, they are still little girls. Character defines you, and I did not respect the way she handled her bussiness, to me she was just a grown ass little girl who thinks that screaming and crying will solve her problems. But I, a soon to be 17 year old, would not have done that. I would have handled mine like a lady and handled my man before I went to her first of all because he caused the crime, and then I would have talked to her, on out own time. Not whe she was working and tending to customers. Character is what seperates women from little girls. That's what I I learned today. I learned that I'm a woman because of my mindset, not because of my age.




HEY GUYS! There's this wanna be Nicki Minaj-Trina hoe who like to P*SSY SWAG! what "p*ssy swaggin" is is beyond me but she thinks it's cool. She thinks it's classy and she think's it's a good representation of all her "bitches". I though I would just give you guys an intro before I go in on this hoe. Y'all know how much I detest the word "p*ssy", but in this letter you will see me use it so I apologize in advance. This trick ass bitch have the nerve and audacity to have a stupid ass song called "pussy swaggin" and I'm mad, I feel disrespected so I HAVE to shut this down just one time.

Dear Slyver Karatz,
   Um excuse me honey but, um, no. You are a broke down bitch with no skills and you got to where you are (where ever that may be) by the seat of your panties and sweetie I do not find your little pussy swaggin song cute at all. Your song only amplifies how ignorant you truly are and it's sad. I hope you don't think your a top notch bitch because your weave is broke down as hell and I saw a little bit of the track comin out. If you seriously thought that women would appreciate you for this song lemme break it down for you : THIS SONG MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A HOE AND YOU ARE PUSSY SWAGGIN BY YOUR DAMN SELF! Ugh, quite frankly you disgust me and I'm really upset that you would think this would be a respectable anthem for women. It's bad enough that men (not all) look at women as just a piece of ass and your basically giving them permission to do just that! Did you you know that you stupid slut? Did that even cross your mind when you were probably fuckin the producer to this song that made you come up with this dumb ass concept?
And bitch I do not find your crusty weave havin ass cute. Bitch you are not Nicki Minaj and and you are not Trina so stop trying cause you don't pull it off. As Nicki would say "step your pussy up", if you don't know what that means then look that shit up on youtube, the place I found your fucked up video. The shit doesn't even play right. OMG that 4 minutes of your video was the most frustrated I've been all year and 2010 just started, so that's not good.
Ok, I'm basically done making you feel stupid, so while your pussy swaggin I'm gonna be swaggin in my Christian Louboutin stilletos like a real women you two cent hoe. DAMN, a 16 year old woman just dissed the hell out of you.

                                                                                    HAVE MORE RESPECT FOR YOURSELF,


the random ramblings of ZODIAC

I must take my alter ego seriously because I find myself talking in third person when I'm in ZODIAC mode. I love that lady. But anyway I feel all guilty because I feel like I haven't posted in two days but I was goin through some thangs. LADIES YOU CAN RELATE IM SURE. uhg, I just wanted to rip the skin off my stepfather's face yesterday! All he does is come in the house a complain...all the damn time and yesterday was one of those days where I wasn't fuckin beat for his BS. I was in my room chillin' then all I hear is "WHO ATE ALL THE CHIPS?!" We have about 5 bags of chips and his ass is mad because one of them were gone. He offically confirmed that men have that time of the month as well, it's not just women.

My ipod and I spent the whole day together and at first I was listening to those songs that fit my mood such as:
  • PMS-mary j blidge
  • RAIN ON ME-ashanti
  • WHEN WILL I SEE YOU SMILE AGAIN-bell biv devoe
  • NEVER NO MORE-aaliyah
  • UNAPPRECIATED- cherish
just to name a few but then I came across my "sexy time playlist" which consists of:
  • SEX THERAPY-robin thicke
  • SO GOOD-day26
  • BIRTHDAY SEX-jeremiah
  • BEDROOM BOOM-chris king (my future husband) (oh, and he has a song called ZODIAC,so y'all know I'm in love)
  • LOVE LIKE HONEY-pretty ricky
  • UNDER-pleasure p (i hope he's not a rapist)
  • WOULD YOU MIND-janet jackson
  • STAY-jodeci
Long story short that playlist took me right out of my fowl mood cause within the first notes of sex therapy I felt so much better. lol I was also reminded of my crush I had on JEREMIAH. whoo! That man turned on the sexy for '09, but it's a new year so I wonder who's gonna turn up the sexy for 2010. Trey Songs might just keep it goin'.Alright I'm done, peace.