2.16.2010

me vs. men

in my freshman year my health teacher pulled me to the side and asked me what the hell my problem was. i looked him up and down and was like "i don't know what the hell you're talkin bout!" and he explained to me that i acted like a bitch towards him. at first i thought it was funny but he was dead ass serious. out of nowhere he asked me if i had a bad relationship with my dad and i said yes, very surprised that he would ask that without me even bringing up my father. he told me something that changed my life forever. he said " do not blame every man for his fuck ups." i thank mr.icobone for his lesson, and i want to be able to trust men but something always happens to give me reason to belive that EVERY man i come across will hurt me in one way or another.

this brings me to the subject of my stepfather. i love him with all my heart and for some years i thought he was the father of my dreams but things are changing. he snaps at me for no reason, he yells for no reason and we got a puppy a couple of months ago and he talks to the puppy before he talks to me. long story short he makes me feel like shit, the way my real father makes me feel. im staring to think that in my life,  will have some unofficial war with men, always. every man who has come into my life has made me hate him with his ignorance and selfishness and lies. and it just burns me up when there is no food in the house and my stepfather buys food for himself. so while my mom is off to work and has most likely did not eat and im in the house starving, he will go buy food for himself and get mad if i ask for five dollars to get a sandwich. oh, and did i fail to tell yall that i asked for five dollars to last for the week and he said he didn't have it but twenty minutes later he walks in the house with dog treats and dog food and toys for the dog, and for  those who have pets yall know that shit aint cheap. am i wrong? let me know....

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