I'M NOT SURE HOW TO START THIS POST SO I'M JUST JUMP RIGHT INTO IT...I have a dead beat dad. He has my number but doesn't call me. For my 16th birthday I didn't get a "happy birthday" or a gift from him. He neglected me for two Christmases and two thanksgivings. He lies to his family and says he pays child support and he doesn't. When he asks me if I need clothes and I say yes and he tells me he will take me shopping he doesn't. As strong as I try to be, because his lies are nothing new, I still find myself asking God "why me?''. I don't want to question God's plan but I really wonder why he chose the man that he chose to be my father. My mom says he's a sperm donor because it's more to being a father than supplying DNA. I get so sad sometimes ya'll, but anyway, when I watch "Runs House", I really get jealous of Vanessa, Angela,Diggy,Russy,Jojo and Miley. They have a strong, intelligent, providing, understanding, loving, compassionate Black man in their lives, and it pisses me off that more Black men can't or choose not to be like him. I see him interact with them. He exposes them to new things. He only wants top notch things for them. He ALWAYS shows love. He is very understanding and I just wish that I had that. I was actually thinking about writing a book for girls in my situation because a lot of us need guidance, and I see alot of girls go down a bad road because they didn't feel the love from their fathers. I'm trying to be strong. I get very weary from the situation because it seems like every chance he gets he does something to piss me off with his ignorance and lies. I know there's no sin in getting weary, the sin is giving up, and I gave up a long time ago because I feel that there is no more forgiveness in my heart or tolerance in my mind or energy in my body. Thank you Rev Run, Obama, Diddy and my stepfather for being great and awesome men to your kids. You guys are deeply appreciated.