I'M NOT SURE HOW TO START THIS POST SO I'M JUST JUMP RIGHT INTO IT...I have a dead beat dad. He has my number but doesn't call me. For my 16th birthday I didn't get a "happy birthday" or a gift from him. He neglected me for two Christmases and two thanksgivings. He lies to his family and says he pays child support and he doesn't. When he asks me if I need clothes and I say yes and he tells me he will take me shopping he doesn't. As strong as I try to be, because his lies are nothing new, I still find myself asking God "why me?''. I don't want to question God's plan but I really wonder why he chose the man that he chose to be my father. My mom says he's a sperm donor because it's more to being a father than supplying DNA. I get so sad sometimes ya'll, but anyway, when I watch "Runs House", I really get jealous of Vanessa, Angela,Diggy,Russy,Jojo and Miley. They have a strong, intelligent, providing, understanding, loving, compassionate Black man in their lives, and it pisses me off that more Black men can't or choose not to be like him. I see him interact with them. He exposes them to new things. He only wants top notch things for them. He ALWAYS shows love. He is very understanding and I just wish that I had that. I was actually thinking about writing a book for girls in my situation because a lot of us need guidance, and I see alot of girls go down a bad road because they didn't feel the love from their fathers. I'm trying to be strong. I get very weary from the situation because it seems like every chance he gets he does something to piss me off with his ignorance and lies. I know there's no sin in getting weary, the sin is giving up, and I gave up a long time ago because I feel that there is no more forgiveness in my heart or tolerance in my mind or energy in my body. Thank you Rev Run, Obama, Diddy and my stepfather for being great and awesome men to your kids. You guys are deeply appreciated.

1 acknowledgements:

aRRe said...

Don't be sad baby girl. I'm in the same position, and though I'm no longer a teen, I'm still dealing with it as a 20 something. It hurts like hell, I won't front, I'm often jealous as well but we have to look for strength and embrace it.

...It may sound crazy but my father figure is in fact Jay-Z. I'm not obsessed with this guy or anything, and the relationship that we have is definitely one formed by our souls. He doesn't know me and I only know half of him but he's the closest male to me, though he he isn't close at all. Jay-Z's a hard worker, a brooklyn native [Like myself] he didn't have the best relationship w his dad and neither do I. I listened to his lyrics and I allowed them to teach me about relationships and life. The lessons are very vague but at the same time they speak volumes. With all do respect to the man who made me, I love and will always love Jay more. My father created me but whats a project without embellishments. My embellishments came from Jay. Not all, but I took alot from him. ...Its deep shit and I can't get into it all but I dont want you to be sad, nor do I want you to suppress your feelings. I just want you to know that you're young and you have a great life ahead of you. Find a man, whether it be Rev Run or whoever you idolize and allow them to step in. Someone needs to be the rubric for what you look for in a guy and to simply give u the lessons that daddy's give. A man doesnt have to make you to be your dad. ...just as I dont have to know you to be your friend. :)

...this post touched me. <3
I wish you many smiles.